Falling in love is sometimes O.K. with humans, but not with a Vehicle. It can't love you back. So..... Before you go off and buy that Split Screen, Bay, or Type25, that you 'can't live without', get someone who isn't in love with it to look at it for you. What you see as patina they will recognize as rust; they will see the cheeky, territory marking, oil leaks for the potential death knell that they are and the missing engine tins, not as extra cooling, but the potential overheat that they represent.

It's not that I don't want you to buy junk if you feel the need, I just don't want you to fall in love with it. This from a guy who has spent half his life skint due to love affairs with cars. I still have sad twinges when I think of my 1964 Crayford Capri convertible and the girlfriends that its missing hood cost me.

For years, I had thighs like Geoff Capes having pushed vehicles nearly as far as I'd driven them. The answer was to always have girlfriends with their own cars to either trnsport me to places or to rescue me from breakdowns.

Soooo. Remember, grasshopper,to only ever love something that can love you back. A good rule of thumb here is whether the subject of your adoration is able to speak, sign, see, feel and (where necessary) talk. You will note that this precludes most Volkswagens (Type 25 Dehler Profi because I have heard one call me "BUY me!". "You want me!". "Love me!"... all the way from Poland).

I've re-drilled the alternator mount, got rid of the water leaks, sorted the oil leak, fitted the new front wheel bearings, sorted the eberspacher, rewired the split charge, replaced the battery, adjusted the gear change. And now... for some reason it has become mute. Maybe it didn't love me after all!

Just this week, I've had a guy visit with a 1979 Bay window van.. 12 months MOT and the seat belts actually hanging inside the wheel arches (He paid !3,000!) Another

guy turned up recently with a 'Californian import.' 12 months MOT.. American headlights still fitted, horn not working, indicators not working, 4mm end float on the engine, a horribly bodged accident repair £9,000.